My Winning Essay! What Not To Do In A Job Interview!!!

A previously posted photo above that represents some of my blogging career!

I thought some of you might enjoy my winning essay. I know it is a bit long, but truthful, none the less. You just can't make this stuff up!!! Jennifer Cornell over at Three Dogs in a Garden hosted the contest and I won a beautiful handmade bracelet that she designed. Jennifer, is a woman of many talents and has visited my blog for quite a while now. She is a master gardener and her photos are sure to mesmerize you! She encouraged me to enter her contest and so I did. You can view the rules here. Make us laugh, was the category that caught my attention and the following event immediately came to mind! It might be more humorous after a couple of glasses of wine...maybe to early for that! Enjoy!!!

What Not To Do In A Job Interview!!!

Many years ago, about forty just to narrow it down, I managed a fabric store shortly after graduation from college. The job was OK but I longed for something a little more challenging. Informed  of an area manager’s position for a competing fabric company, I made a phone call! A pleasant voice answered and informed me that the district manager would be in my area, he would call me shortly.

I answered the long black collector of coins in the back of the store, “can you meet me today,” barked a stern voice! “Sure where shall we meet,” I asked? “How about the steak house across the street from the mall.” “Sounds good, 1:00PM.”

So now the stage is set and the series of events that followed could not have been fabricated even if I tried! There are embarrassing moments in one’s life that one simply cannot forget! But it’s what we take from the event that matters! Right?

A very stern tall fiftyish man, in a rumpled gray suit and pencil thin tie, reeking of an Old Spice, Aqua Velva cocktail greeted me with a firm handshake. My then slender knees began to buckle. Slightly intimidated, we ordered our food, honestly I don’t remember having a bite! The questions came fast and furious, all the while gulping his carnivorous morsels of flesh in between the interrogation! 

Offense number one: Finally, Mr. Stern Face, suggested that I fill out an application and asked if I had a pen! Yes, as I reached down into my faux leather disorganized container of everything un-necessary. Grabbing onto a slender instrument that my automatic pilot assured me was a pen, I drew it up in a cigarette like position between three fingers. It went directly up to my ear, without a glance I held it there tapping my head while reading over the application. Looking up to ask a question, Mr. Drop Your Jaw, had an unusual and perplexing look of horror about him. He was staring at my ear. I knew my ear to be of normal size, I quickly realized that it was my pen he focused upon! Dare I look? Oh what to heck!!! Can you only imagine??? In my haste I had accidentally retrieved a tampon! That's right a tampon! I could feel the rush and flush of blood take over my entire body. Heart pounding, hands sweating, my inner voice kept telling me to make a joke of it. “Oh, silly me, can’t write with this can I,” I muttered. Be still my heart! I managed to calm myself down! My breathing went back to a normal but disjointed rhythm.

Offense number two: The bill arrived and I fully expected Mr. Cheapskate, to pay! He firmly announced that my share was seven dollars. For sure I knew that only three dollars swam aimlessly about in my faux leather. Horrified once again, I confessed to the shortage. Reluctantly he paid the bill and we departed on a surreal kind of note. 

Offense number three: Leaving the parking lot in a rush to get back to work I got stuck behind a rather pokey old shark finned red cadillac. Please go I thought and proceeded to lean on my horn. Totally out of character for me, but remember I was somewhat rattled! Yup you guessed it, it was him, Mr. Speedy! He waved and let me pass on by!

Mary Mother of the Arc Angels, could this interview have been more of a disaster? Well I’ll just have to chalk this one up to experience, I thought! Kiss this one goodbye, jingled in my head! Can you only imagine the conversation back at his office water cooler! 

Several days later, Mr. Nice Guy, offered me the job!!!!! Yikes, was he desperate or what? Relaying the entire incident to my husband, I decided to decline the offer as there was too much traveling involved and we had a very young daughter. 

Well folks I learned early on what not to do in a job interview, but mostly to have the ability to laugh and learn from my mistakes, pick myself up and move forward! People still roar all these years later when I tell the story! I am who I am, I can’t seem to fix it, unusual events seem to accessorize my life challenging me always to keep on laughing! A sense of humor, yes that’s the key! Maybe a bizarre sense of humor, but a sense of humor, none the less and we won’t even talk about me almost crazy gluing my grand-daughter’s lips together!

I also received Post of the Week from Hilary over at The Smitten Image. Thanks Hilary!

Have a great day!